Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Tick Tock ...



"I thought about the whole notion of "reproduction," and what it really means to replicate yourself. Is it merely about the passing on of eyes and chins and hair color? Or is it, rather, the replication of the heart? Do we leave a bigger mark by passing on our genes, or our thoughts?"~ Shannon Woodward, author ofInconceivable: Finding Peacein the Midst of Infertility ~


Tick tock, tick tock. If I listen carefully I’m sure I’ll hear the unmistakable sound of my biological clock ticking away. Not foghorn loud of course but loud enough to remind me that Ill never see twenty-five again (except as some sort of anniversary maybe). I know I’m far from over the hill but I had always envisioned having a family at a young age. However, my mothering instincts are not wasted since I am the oldest of six daughters (yep lots of estrogen in my household :D).

My youngest sister, Arielle is eight years old. When she was born I was just out of high school and I remember taking care of her for the first few months of her life while I was looking for a job. Not exclusively, of course but I was her unofficial nanny. I fed her, bathed her, took her for walks and defended her still bald head. I read books and agonized over when she should begin eating solid foods; planned her daily menus and so on. It’s not that my mother was neglectful or unloving but my heart clave to the child and instead of being hers she was ours.

Recently Arielle raised her hands in church when our Pastor asked for those wanting to be baptized. I was so happy. No just for the obvious reasons but I remembered something that the Lord had spoken to me the year before. In our yearly thanksgiving service someone had remarked that seeing us together they could easily believe that I’m her mother or some such thing. Laughing she had thrown her arms around me and cried “Mama”. I laughed myself but in the wake of the moment the Lord spoke to me saying that, in fact, that is what I was to her. Not biologically, but spiritually He had entrusted the care and development of this child to me. I was impressed with the seriousness of this responsibility and resolved to do my best. That little upraised hand was a signal to me that inspite of my own failings He was still able to move in the life of this child. She has a lot of life left to live but I’m assured that right now she is on the right path

I may never have kids of my own but the influence that I have in my sister’s lives (both my parents are unsaved) and the difference I have made in them by just making sure they go to church and listen God’s word has been rewarding. I may never look into a young pair of eyes and see my own but I think the best part of being a parent is the molding of a young heart to be just like Christ’s. What’s more important than that?

5 comments:

Heather Smith said...

Beautiful thoughts! I agree completely. I have a little cousin who doesn't have a Godly influence at home. I try to make sure she is in church as much as possible. A few months back in my youth class she accepted Christ and then a few weeks ago she was baptized. I want to be that kind of influence to all that I meet!

Sissy B. said...

What an inspirational post! You are such a blessing to your family.

Amydeanne said...

sad and sweet at the same time! Great post!

nikisim said...

Hugs and more hugs.
hiya this is my first commment
We need alot of GODparents like yourself ..I do believe 27yrs is not old on the fertilitiy scale as more people are choosing to have families later ...

Cool Mama said...

Wow! I hope you don't mind me dropping in - I was intriqued by your posts that i read earlier..and now this one! You write so beautifully, and I love the way your passion for God comes thru in everything you write. I don't think your biological clock is 'over the hill' by any means, but i know the sound of the ticking seems to get louder after 25! Anywyas..as I read your sweet post, I sent up a prayer for the man of God, that He has set aside for you, to come - and whatever obstacles are holding things up, to be removed! Let me know what happens! ( Like the prayer in Daniel where he's told that the minute he prayed the answer was sent, BUT it was intercepted the King of Persia and fought for by one of God's mighty angels!) So..Lord, send your angels to wrestle free the answer to her prayers !